A year ago, I would never have imagined I'd be sitting here writing these words to you guys from my 17th floor room in Boston. For one thing, I couldn't begin to imagine what college would be like. For another, after having just to committed to Boston University, I'm sure I couldn't imagine that I would reverse that decision a year later. But since my announcement to transfer came as a shock to many of you, I thought I'd offer some insight as to why I decided to go down this path.
College has offered me incredible insights about myself, my world, and my life. I learned, for instance, what it feels like to have only an hour or two of class in one day. I learned how to balance two jobs with classwork and a social life. I learned the value of a dollar and how rough it is to feel poor in a big city. But I also discovered what it feels like to be a number in a large, bureaucratic organization primarily concerned with money. That sounds a lot more anti-establishment than I mean it to, but I don't know any other way to say it. I learned how hard it is to not go home for months at a time. Perhaps most surprisingly, I realized that I'm not afraid to say I'm from Tennessee and that I miss it every day.
With these insights came the creeping sense that I was not where I truly wanted to be or where I had thought I would be when I enrolled in college. I am not trying to tell anyone that they should not go to BU. If you're happy here, I would never say you're wrong to be. And if you're considering it or think it sounds like a good place to be, it definitely has its nice perks. But somewhere along the way, I realized I still saw college as that beautiful grassy quad surrounded by academic buildings, not a city street with a train down its spine. I felt like, for all its benefits, I wasn't getting what I had thought I would from school. This sense of dissatisfaction grew in the face of repeated sexual assaults on campus, a nearby shooting, and the administration's slow and stiffly formal response to the early warning signs on campus. I didn't like being reminded that I am vulnerable and that even in a guarded building one of my peers might like to do me or one of my loved ones harm.
I understand that this is life: most people are good and wouldn't harm me, but a few bad apples make the whole bunch seem bad. I don't think that by transferring I'll necessarily find a safe microbubble where nothing bad happens and everyone loves everyone else. But I can't deny that BU's actions (and lack thereof) really left me with a bitter, bitter taste in my mouth.
And then there's the money. When I realized the true implications of the cost of this school, all the years of debt I'd have, the strain it put my family under, then I simply felt insulted by BU. They can build me a million dollar dining hall I don't need and a lacrosse stadium I'll probably never go to, but they can't properly address rapes and sexual assaults on campus. Where is the disconnnect here? What is my money really funding?
All colleges are businesses now. This sad and disgusting fact is not one I'm happy with, but neither is it something I can change. So I'll move from one very expensive business to another less expensive one. If I'm not 100% happy there, hey, at least I won't be paying for my unhappiness 15 years from now.
I don't regret going to BU for a second. I met some truly wonderful people here, and I had the chance to learn about myself in ways I don't think I could have elsewhere. But unfortunately, I don't think it's the place for me to stay for the next 3 years. With that said...
The University of Tennessee at Knoxville better get ready.
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